How to tell a child their pet has died

Honest, gentle words for telling children that a family pet has died, and ways to help them grieve.

For many children a pet is their first real friend, and losing them can be their first experience of death. How we tell them can make a real difference to how they cope.

Use simple, honest words

It feels kinder to say "he went to sleep" or "we lost her", but young children can take those words literally and become afraid of sleeping, or keep looking for the pet. Gently say that their pet died, and explain what that means: their body stopped working, they can't feel pain any more, and they won't come back.

Tell them soon, and somewhere calm

Children often sense when something is wrong. Find a quiet moment, sit close, and tell them yourself rather than letting them overhear it.

Let them see your feelings

It is fine for children to see you cry. It shows them that sadness is a normal part of loving someone, and that you can be sad together.

Answer questions as they come

Children may ask the same question many times, or ask things that sound blunt ("where is she now?"). Answer simply and truthfully, in a way that fits your family's beliefs. "I don't know, but I know she was loved" is an honest answer too.

Give them something to do

Drawing a picture, choosing a photo, writing a short message or lighting a candle gives children a way to say goodbye. Many children like being able to visit a place for their pet, in the garden or online, and see that others remember them too.

Watch for worry

Some children start to worry that parents or other pets might die too. Reassure them, keep routines normal, and give extra cuddles. If sadness or fear doesn't ease after a while, talk to their teacher or doctor.