Tao

to my beautiful girl, my soulmate

when i lost you, it felt as though my soul had been pierced. i keep asking myself why i took you to the vet that day. you were still eating and drinking. i thought we would come home with some medication, have dinner together and continue with our little life as usual. i never imagined that we would never get to sleep beside each other again.

my baby, your energy was so pure. i witnessed your very first moments when you came out of taro and i was there until you took your very last breath. i held you in my hands when you were just a tiny baby and i held you in my arms as you took your final breath. i got to witness your entire journey from the moment you came into this world until the moment you left it.

i keep wondering if there was something more i could have done for you. could i have done things differently? could i have saved you? i carry so much guilt in my heart. why did i have to make such an impossible decision? why did the vet have to ask me whether we should let you go to sleep? how could i possibly know what was right when all i wanted was to bring you home?

i wish i could turn back time. i wish i could have one more ordinary day with you. one more meal, one more cuddle and one more night sleeping beside you. i would give anything to hold you again.

thank you for choosing me to be your person. thank you for allowing me to be part of your life from your very first breath to your very last. i love you always.